Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
