Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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