I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
