you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
