Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
