The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
