I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
