OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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