I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
