she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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