dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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