Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
