I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize