No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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