What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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