She's JV to your varsity
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
