I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
