My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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