i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
