Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
