So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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