I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
