just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize