This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
