Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
