Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
