I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
