Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
NoShamevember. You game?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize