Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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