I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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