All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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