I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i drank out of a bidet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
