I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He shit in the fireplace
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