so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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