I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
