I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there's paper in my vomit.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
