dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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