I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
