What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
