4 words: hood of his car
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
