i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
