It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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