she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
