i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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