Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
