I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
