in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
