So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
