do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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