Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
