Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
