im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
