Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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