yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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