the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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