I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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