the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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