Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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