It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
NoShamevember. You game?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
