Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize