i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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