She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
