I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
