He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
