I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
