I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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