Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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