my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
