NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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