Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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