i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize