I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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