Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
