nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize