Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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