And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
