Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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