so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just cut my nipple shaving
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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