there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
