i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
