smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
