i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
