I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
