I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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