i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
