three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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