Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
