I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
